The Letter
by Mrs. Lupin-Black
Summary: while cleaning Sirius' room, Remus finds a letter OotP spoilers!


It was cleaning day, and Mrs. Weasley was making sure every room in number 12, Grimmauld Place was spotless and up to livable standards. All the rooms, even the attic were clean, all except for Sirius' room. Honestly, nobody in the house felt like cleaning his room, for they feared it would bring back to many memories. Though no one expected Remus to want anything to do with that room, he decided to volunteer.

"Mrs. Weasley, I want to clean his room," Remus said during lunch. She had almost choked on her food, and everyone looked uneasy.

"Are you sure Remus, I'd be happy to clean it?" she asked him in a concerned voice.

"Oh no, I'd really like to do it myself," he replied kindly. She simply smiled.

"Well, okay then."

So later that day, he walked up to the room he hadn't entered in over a month. He walked in, and was immediately wrapped up in his lover's scent that hadn't faded. His eyes wondered, from his bed, to his dresser, to his shelves, and back to the bathroom door. It was upsetting that Sirius had fallen through the veil, and he was way to depressed to clean, but he felt as though it was his job. He and Sirius had been lovers, though no one in the house knew about their secret affair.

During their 7th year of Hogwarts, Remus and Sirius had gotten locked into the Room of Requirement (no thanks to James) and after hours of being by themselves, they finally confessed that they were both gay and had been in love since there first year. Remus walked through the room, dust rising with every step he took. _So many memories _Remus thought to himself. "I better get started." So, he got out all of the necessary materials and got started.

He started first on the bathroom, which, in his opinion, was the easiest part. He suddenly caught a fit of giggles as he remembered the first time he and Sirius had taken a shower together.

Flashback – "Remmie, time to take a shower," Sirius had said with a seductive smile.

"I'm coming baby, I just need to lock the door incase our roommates try to come in," I said starting to smile, his smiles were contagious.

"Hurry!" he whined, as I took my time with the lock. It was so exciting to know that I made him beg.

"Wait up you horny bastard, I told you I was coming," I yelled back. He then came out with nothing on.

"Reeemmuuss!" I clicked the lock on the door and stripped.

"Happy? I've locked the door and I'm ready to shower," I fussed.

"Very, now come on you skanky werewolf!" he said grabbing my arm.

"I'm a skanky werewolf!?" he smiled slyly,

"You're my skanky werewolf." He answered.

"Better" I reminded him as we made love in the shower. - End Flashback

Remus continued to clean the bathroom, thinking of all the times they're conversations ended with them making-love (when they were alone in the house). It would never be the same without him there to cuddle when it thundered outside, or when he got lonely and needed someone else, besides Molly. It wasn't that he didn't like the others, he just preferred being around Sirius, who could honestly say he understood him. As he began to clean the medicine cabinet, he found Sirius' aftershave. Scarcely did he use it, but when he did, the whole neighborhood could tell. Then, he remembered the first time Sirius had worn that aftershave.

Flashback - "Rem, I'm gonna go take a shower," he told me that night with a wink.

"Right, I'll be here when you get out," I assured him nodding.

Only a few minutes later did he come out smelling awful. "I thought you took a shower!" I practically yelled.

"I-I did, because, I wanted to try my new aftershave, do you like it?" he asked. I had to be honest and truthful, we were lovers, and you don't lie to your lover.

"It smells absolutely repulse, please, never wear it again, around me, especially when we're in bed," I told him truthfully as he stood there, taking in what I had just said.

"Right, never again," he replied in a confused tone, "Shall I wash this off?"

"Unless you plan on sleeping outside, you better believe it," he still seemed a little shocked, but he got over it.

As they got into bed that night – "Remus, why didn't you like to aftershave? Would you rather me stink?" he asked tucking strands of loose hair behind my ears.

"It smelled horrible Padfoot! And I prefer your warm vanilla sugar cookie smell, it's so, Sirius-like," I explained using our old nickname.

"Would you rather the Sirius-like smell Moony?" he asked me smiling in the darkness.

"Yes, Paddy, that'd be nice." – End Flashback

Never again did he use that horrible stuff, Remus had practically banned it, but obviously, Sirius decided to keep a bottle. Remus took a sniff, and threw it in the nearest garbage can. After about and hour or so, he finished the bathroom and looked into the bedroom. It held so many memories, memories that he and Sirius had shared. "I'll start with the shelves." Remus said in a semi-confident voice. He took out a duster and began to dust the antiques that Mrs. Black had put in Sirius' room, all bearing the Black crest. Looking from item to item, dusting every corner, nook and cranny. Once again, he completed another task and had to begin something new. The only problem was which to do first, the bed, or the dresser.

He felt like he was intruding. Sirius kept everything in the dresser, from comdoms to clothes, and notes they had passed in class. After a brief meeting with himself, he decided it would be easier to do the bed first. So, he took off the blanket and the sheets, thinking it would be best to just air them out for sentimental reasons. He was looking at the dusty mattress when he saw something sticking out from in between the two mattresses. Curiosity overcame him, and he grabbed the thing. It was a picture, a picture of Sirius and himself, kissing under the tree by the lake. Tears welled in his eyes, but before he came in, he promised himself that he wouldn't get to emotional.

He remembered that day perfectly. Gryffindor had just won the house cup and Sirius was very excited. Sirius had taken Remus away from the crowd and told him that he loved him and wanted them to be together. Remus was overjoyed and said yes, but they decided to keep it a secret.

Through the weeks and months, Lily, James, and Peter began noticing things. Mostly hugs and small kisses on the cheek, but thought nothing of them. Often, Madam Pomfrey would walk in on the boys lying in bed together after Remus' transformations. Yet through the years, they kept their secret from everyone. Then came the day Lily and James were killed. Remus remembered Sirius leaving in the middle of the night, though he hadn't said where he was gong. The next day, Remus read about the Potter's deaths and how their son, Harry, had survived. As he read on, he saw that their friend Peter had also been killed. He only wondered who had killed Peter and how it had happened. Once again he began to read on and saw who was convicted of both murders. Sirius Black. It couldn't have been him, all three were his friends, but obviously, he was wrong. The following day, Sirius was caught and thrown in Azkaban, the wizard jail.

This came as a shock, seeing as Remus had always trusted Sirius, always. For 12 long years, he couldn't help but wonder why Sirius had done all those things and what possessed him to go against the good side. Then, he broke out. He broke out of Azkaban hoping he could finish what he started, or so they thought. Sirius was out looking for Scabbers, Ron Weasley's rat, which ended up being Peter. After Peter was caught, Sirius and Remus forced the truth out of the rat and found out that Peter had sold Lily and James out to Voldemort and faked his death, blaming everything on Sirius. Remus was only to happy, but then, Peter got away, and they had no evidence that he had done anything. This left everyone who knew the truth quite downhearted.

For the past two years, everyone in the Order of the Phoenix had been trying to catch Voldermort or any of his death eaters, but they hadn't been successful, until that one faithful night. Harry and his friends, Hermione, Ron, Luna, Ginny, and Neville, went to the Ministry of Magic searching for Sirius, who they thought was in trouble. Little did they know, it had all been a trick. The members of the order rescued them, and because Sirius couldn't bear to be left alone, he went along as well. That was the night Sirius fell through the veil.

Remus got the sheets and put them back on the bed, starring at the dresser. "I suppose this is the last thing I have to do," Remus said getting a chill. He would start from the bottom and work his way up. In the bottom most drawer, he found mostly socks and underwear, and a collection of old muggle CD's he'd probably forgotten about. Pausing, he looked through and laughed. In the middle drawer there were shorts and pants, and a photo album of the marauders years at Hogwarts. This made him shiver. Opening it, he saw pictures of Lily and James together at Christmas just after they had had Harry, and Quidditch matches, won and loss. He then cleaned out the top most drawer which contained and assortment of old tee shirts and undershirts. He was astounded at how little Sirius had in his drawers, but took no mind. Then he looked at the top of the dresser and saw a mess of papers. "I guess I should look through these papers, just incase there's something important in them, " he said to himself.

He read the papers, laughing as he went, seeing as most of the papers were notes they had written in class. He shuffled through the pile until he found a little brown envelope. _What's this?_ He asked himself mentally, looking at the name printed on the front. _Remus_ _Lupin. _He was so curious as to what could be in the letter, so he opened it.

My Dearest Moony,

I've been thinking a lot lately. About the war, and Harry, but mostly, about me and you. I love you Moony, everything about you. From your lovely honey brown hair and toasty yellow eyes, to your amazing sense of intellect. I love you, and always will. The day I met you, I thought you were weird, always hiding behind a book as me and James joked around. Though my opinion of you changed greatly as I got to know you. I started to like you, and eventually, love you. When I learned about your 'condition', I didn't know what to think, you were the same old Remus to me and I thought nothing of it. When you told James and Peter, I was so excited, we could all change together so you wouldn't be alone. Now that we're older, I still love changing with you, but I miss James being there with us, but I suppose you do to. When he passed away, I didn't know what to do with myself, everyone thought I was a murderer, but I'd never do a thing like that, especially to my friends. I was locked up, but that didn't bother me, what bothered me was that you thought I had done it.

When Harry and his little girlfriend saved me, I was overjoyed, finally, people believed me. When the order moved into my old house, I wasn't to excited, but was happy all the same, I'd see you again. For the first time, in a long time, I'd get to see the person I loved most in life. We spent everyday together, and night of course, and now, if you're ready, I'd like to get married. I put the ring in this envelope, so if you'd like to get married, wear it to breakfast tomorrow and I shall know. I'll love you, even if you don't want to marry me, but do put some thought into it.

Love, Padfoot

Warm, salty tears rolled down Remus' cheeks. _How could you do this to me Padfoot! I love you! _ He thought and then, yelling he said "I LOVED YOU SIRIUS!" and began crying hysterically. Slowly, he leaned back on the wall, and slid down. Tonks ran in and saw Remus sitting against the wall, and sat next to him. "Get out Nymph!" he screamed. "I loved him to Remus, he was practically family," Tonks replied rubbing his back. "Tonks, you didn't love him like I did," Remus answered, chuckling in an angry way. "What do you mean?" Nymph asked, completely clueless. "Tonks, we were lovers, we have been since our 2nd to last year of Hogwarts!" Remus told her in an exasperated voice. "I never knew," she replied in an awed voice. "No one did, he asked me to marry him, in this letter holds up letter and I love him, I woulda said yeah, I wanted to be with him forever, but now, I can't " he said calming down a bit. "Remus, it'll be okay, you'll find someone." But she was wrong. "No, Sirius was the only one for me, and now, I'll be alone," Remus said shaking his head. "Well, I'll leave you here, and Rem, if you ever need someone, I'm always here," Tonks replied leaving the room.

And there Remus sat, for a long time, just thinking about Sirius. Later that day, he asked the kids to help him move his things to Sirius' room. "Are you sure you want to do this Remus?" Molly asked him just as he began to settle. "Yeah, it's better like this, I prefer sleeping in his room, it reminds me of him," Remus said playing with the golden band he took out of the envelope earlier that day. They left him alone in his new room. "Yeah, much better."


End file.
